Hanging out at Abi's crib

Last night we hang-out at Abi's apartment. We watched A Love Story...movie of Aga. It was nice and fun of course, with Marianne and Abi around...joking on who's who is our character on the movie. I'll not write on who is Maricel, Aga, Angelica, the nurse and the flower is...i'm here to tackle the lessons I learned from the movie.

Here are the best scene and lines from the movie:

"Hindi lahat ng masaya tama...minsan ang tama nakakasakit rin sa una pero kapag natanggap mo na, magiging masaya rin." - This is soooo true. In making decisions, it would not always depend on our happiness alone...sometimes we should take account of people aound us and if what we're doing is right.

"Ang mga babae parang halaman yan, huwag mong pipitasin kung sisirain mo lang." - It is the same as, never start a relationship when you know you wanted it to end.

"You must be the husband." - The best scene on the movie. All three of them was in the same room because Angelica was hospitalize. The three of us was astonished on how Maricel handled the situation, and later on this phrase became our winning punch line. Try this one:

Marianne on ---: "So you must be the other woman..."

Eda on being late: "You must be my Supervisor, sorry i'm late, Sir!"

Abi to her long lost boyfriend: "So, you must be my boyfriend..."

The movie basically talks about sacrificing your own happiness for the sake of doing what you think is right. For giving people, important to you, your time and love. Treating them right to keep them. And making choices, to correct things that you have done wrong while there is still time. Indeed, nothing is lost when you choose to do what is right.

So, this must be your movie!

I'm keeping up...

It has been a month now after the break up and it has been two weeks after I found out everything. I can say I am keeping up very well...there are times that I can still feel the hurt but being with my family and friends helps me a lot to mend the hurt inside.

What had happened almost crush my whole being, thankfully my values, the love of my family and friends and the things that I believed in made me whole again. I can't really say that I am totally over him, because if I am, I wouldn't be writing this blog. But feelings are aleady inconsequential now to say. I still believe on the cliche, "things happen for a reason." I know God let this happen because when he is still here by my side, I forgot to noticed poeple, people that are more worthy of my love and care. I don't see the small and big blessings God has given me. I know that this will make me a wiser and better person. And what happened made me realize the wonderful friendship I have with my bestfriend and my close friend. This made me appreciate them more.

I read this from gem_061969 blog:

"When break up comes and it's time to say goodbye, don't doubt the love just because it didn't last. There are things in life that doesn’t really last
and it doesn’t mean its not true at all. "

"Some good things are just never meant to last forever. Bless the parting and move on."

"Expect tears, sorrow, sleepless nights and pain.
As they say "it's when you hurt the worst that you love the MOST." If you are not willing to get hurt, then don’t fall in-love"

"Life is a balance. And love is both holding on and letting go. Know when to fight for your man and when to let him go. God will guide you."

"In a relationship...
What a girl needs most is love. What a guy needs
most is respect. The most important thing for a girl is her heart. For a guy its his ego."

Until now i'm not really sure if I really loved him. I've been in a lot of relatioship and "love" is a misused and over used word for me. Is it true? Or just a state of mind? How will I know I am in love? Questions that are yet to be answered...my quest for finding the real meaning of love goes on.

I may not be able to bring back what was ended but I can start a new life, without any traces of him. I can bring with me all the lessons learned and things that made me a stronger person. And when the time comes that I can let go of him completely, I know I will be truly happy.

The Best Things in Life...

These are the best things in life for me....I will keep the list updated.

1. Seeing my family together.
2. Knowing that i'm alive and kicking.
3. Realizing that no matter what my friends will always be there fo me and no matter what and no matter who, the friendship will always matter.
4. Being able to find true friends who will never let you down but sometimes they will look down but to pick you up when you hit the ground.
5. To finally finish a book you wanted to read.
6. Finding time to laugh and talk with special friends.
7. VTOs will always be the best...hehehe!
8. Ice cream every Saturday with friends.
9. Hanging around at Abi's apartment and chicka all night.
10. Receiving a message from a long lost friend...and a job you've been waiting for.

11. Picture-picturan moments with my friends.

12. Reminiscing the times you laugh so hard with friends.

13. When someone thank me fo touching their lives.

14. Finding fogiveness in my heart.

15. Falling down and able to stand up again.

16. Hearing the laughter of my friends after I crack a joke.

17. Feeling God's presence in my life.

I'll update this, i'll just read a book...Five People You Meet in Heaven.

You are forgiven...

I have fogiven you...i'm putting everything behind. It was never your fault if you woke up one day and realized that I am not the girl you like. You should not underestimated my understanding. I know you owe me big time, but then again I am not a perfect person too. I have also hurt other people.

A part of me doesn't want to accept that you were right for letting me go. I know I deserve someone better...and when I say I forgive you...I mean it.

I do things that would make me happy and I will be happy if I forgive you.

To my bestfriend...
I appreciate you told me everything...like i've said a few days ago...a part of me wants to blame you but it is not your fault that you're likeable. Kaya nga kita friend, eh! Hehehe! I am proud that nobody can ruin the friendship that we had. Feeling ko nga it became stronger after this one. Thank you for being there since day one. Lalo na nung nagkasakit ako...thank you for all the times na ipinakita mo sa akin na you care. Basta, thank you and I love you! Kaya dapat huwag ka munang umalis ng TP.

If in any way I have hurt your feelings i'm sorry. I know you're in a dilemma right now, just always remember what i told you..."The only opinion that will matter is your opinion and to those people wo truly cares about you. Maraming nagmamahal sa iyo.

To Jhongke...
Sis, you were there in times that I was really down and in pain. Thank you for pulling me up when I almost reach the ground. Thank you for making me realize my worth, for being my strength and for making me feel that I am loved by many. You made me appreciate blessings that was already given to me that made me appreciate my friends and most especially my family. More than anyone who came in my life, you made a very big difference.

I'm very happy that I could not ask for more but for us to be forever friends. Love yah, Sis!

To Missy and Elaine...
I am happy that whatever emotions i'm in nakikiramdam din kayo. I was never a fighter, I always say this to Jhongke that I am born weak. But whatever things i'm deficient, God gave me wonderful people to fill that in and also to learn from them. Thank you for always backing me up and also for making me smile when I was really down.

No words can best describe how thankful I am for this people.

I am proud of how my family raised me well. Kaya madali sa akin magpatawad dahil yun ang tinuro nila sa akin. Basta, totoo un, napatawad na kita.

An Open Letter

I hope this will be the last time that I will be writing about this relationship. A day after I made the presentation for you I found out something horrible about you...a lot of things actually. A day after I made the presentation for myself I found another thing about you. You are courting my bestfriend. A lot of emotions are within me now; that sometimes I do not know the reason why I am feeling it.

First of all, I am angry. Angry to the point that I look at you with so much disdain. To the point that I want to forget that once in my life I thought there was an "us." I'm angry because I felt I was betrayed. I trusted you so much that I believed everything you said. I don't see you as a perfect person because there's no such, but I see you as a person who would really think a million times before you act. I see you someone with wisdom and integrity.

During the relationship, I already saw the signs that it was faltering. It was not that I was blind, I saw it coming but then again I believed you when you told me that you'll tell me if you don't want this anymore. I understand you when you told me that you're just having problems with your family and work and I tried to be the person that you can rely on.

I am angry because I somehow expected you to respect me as a person. I am angry because you should have ended the relationship when you didn't want it. It would have been easier.

Ginamit mo lang ako at masakit nun nagpagamit rin ako. Remember this words?

"Magconcentrate muna ako sa work and problems ko. Maghiwalay muna tayo."

And after a week, found you courting someone, worse, kaibigan ko pa. Sa totoo lang pinagmukha mo akong tanga. Kaya ba, lumalapit ka na lang kapag kailangan, you don't talk to me anymore and worse nakipagflirt ka pa sa isa pang malapit sa akin. Is it planned? I would have understand kung sinabi mo na lang na nawala na ung feelings. It would have been better and easier. Kasi naniwala pa ako na there was something to hold on.

I won't hinder you if you'll court someone now, I won't even care if you'll get married. Pero huwag mo naman kaming patusin. Huwag kaibigan ko. She has been there since day one. Takbuhan ko siya kapag may problema ako sayo, kaibigan mo ex nya at alam nya lahat ng nangyari sa atin.Hindi kami gamit na palitan lang. And would you really think she would sacrifice our friendship to be with you? I know she's close to you but don't assume things.

Still remember this?

"Kung meron man, kung meron man, ha?! Ayoko ng on the rebound at tsaka kung kaibigan, kaibigan lang talaga."

"Dapat nung training bay pa, kaso on the rebound ka."

So ano pala ako? Pampalipas oras?! Panakip butas?!

Do you still remember what you did to my other friend nung tayo pa? I really do think you owe her an apology. I want to quote this:

"Kaya nga may word na banter, eh."

"Kung tinotoo nya, eh di sasabihin ko na joke lang."

"Minsan nga lang magpakasaya, ganito pa."

Naririnig mo bang sinasabi mo? Anong tingin mo sa aming mga babae?! Laruan?! She is my friend, not just a friend but a very, very close friend. Anong tingin mo sa mga kaibigan ko tanga-tanga?

I never asked for anything, at alam mo yan, sana napagbigyan mo man lang ako ng kahit kaunting respeto, sama mo na mga friends ko. Kaso kahit respeto para sa bakla hindi mo ako binigyan...waaaaaaaaaaaa!

The choice you make, makes you the person you are...and its really a disappointment that you chose to be a self-centered beast. Sayang...you're not half the man I thought you were.

As to the other things I know, hindi ko na sasabihin. Kahit sa iba hindi ko na rin sinabi yun. Dahil bibigyan pa rin kita ng kaunting respeto. At alam kong wala ng reason para malaman mo pa, alam mo na kung anong dapat kong malaman.

I am hurting...hurting because you never liked me. I can never be angry because of this because I know it is beyond your control. Hurting ako dahil sa mga nalalaman ko...naiisip ko lang noon na magkasama tayong tatlo, hindi ko alam may ganyan ka na pala. And masakit isipin na you like someone else tapos tayo...tapos nakakasama pa nating dalawa. Hindi ko alam may plano ka na pala nyan. Hurting to know that your doing things you used to do for me. And worse mas higit pa. You know I was hurt badly when we broke up...kulang pa ba un? Kaya hindi ko talaga inaasahan ito. It was hard to keep up nung wala ka na, mas nahirapan ako nung ginawa mo un sa close friend ko nung tayo pa, mahirap din nung nalaman ko ung tungkol sayo, pero ito na yata ang pinakamahirap, ang ligawan mo bestfriend ko. Ayaw mo na ba akong ipagmove on talaga?! Gusto mo ba lahat ng kaibigan na soooobrang malapit sa akin mawala sa akin? Have I done something wrong to you? For you to repay me with this?!

Someone told me that at least you were man enough to end the relationship. Pero sa totoo lang hindi naman...pinaramdam mo lang sa akin na wala na, na mas masakit kaysa sabihin sa akin. You just gave me signs but too coward to tell me the truth. Pinaramdam mo sa akin ng paunti-unti...You said you wish we would be in good terms? Sana naisip mo yan bago mo ginawa ito.

- Remeber the time na niyaya kita samahan ako manood? Marami kang reasons to the point na kahit ano na lang sinabi mo. Too scared to hurt me? Or just too scared na bad memories ang maiwan mo sa akin? Well look at it now? Bigger damaged? Right?

- Remember nung time na nakaleave ako but I went here to give you something? We we're talking then, tapos pagdating niya iniwan mo ako and pumunta ka sa bay nya. All the time, kaya pala dikit ka ng dikit sa kanya...pinagmukha mo akong tanga.

- Remember na walang oras na lumapit ako sa iyo na hindi ka nakasimangot. Na para bang pinaparamdam mo sa akin na nakakaistorbo ako sayo.

- Kinausap kita kung gusto mong malaman kung sino si Stop...naalala mo sinagot mo sa akin ng pasigaw? "Huwag kang magulo, naglalaro ako."

- Alalahanin mo lahat ng mga oras na nagpaalam ako sayo ng matino, sinagot mo ako ng wala akong pakialam...masakit nun may ibang mga tao dun.

- Alalahanin mo lahat ng oras na sinigawan mo ako. Na parang lahat ng galit sa akin mo gustong ibuhos.

- Naaalala mo pa na ayaw mo ng trinatraydor ka? I tried sooooo hard to keep our relationship a secret from my new friends. Hindi ako masyadong naglalapit sayo dahil sabi mo ayaw mo ng issues and may gusto kang marating sa career mo, Ginawa ko un lahat kahit mahirap, pero bakit mo ako trinaydor ngayon? Kamag-anak mo ba si Hudas? Nyork!

Inintindi kita nun dahil iniisip ko ayokong dumagdag sa mga problema mo. And between the two of us ako ang dapat umintindi dahil ako lagi ang may oras. Yun ang lagi mong pinaparamdam. Lahat ng mga nangyari na yan, yan lahat ang diko makakalimutan. I can forgive but I know it will be hard to forget, dahil tumatak lahat nyan sa akin, hindi lang ung pangyayari lalo na ung pakiramdam.

Sinabi mo, ayaw mo akong madamay sa mga problema mo ngayon...kaya ba kaibigan ko na lang idadamay mo? You want me to feel that you're doing a noble act by letting me go. Iba naman pain ung binigay mo. Mahirap ba sayong sabihin ang totoo? Kung sinabi mo nun na hindi ka na masaya, aalis naman ako kaagad. Kaso lagi mong reason, ayaw mo akong madamay sa problema mo na kesyo unfair...you know very well na lalong hindi ako aalis nun.

Nahuhurt ako dahil ganun pala ako kawalang kwenta sayo. Dahil kung meron man, maiisip mo kung anong mararamdaman ko kung ginawa mo ito. Iniexpect mo ba na iintindihin kita? Hinahanapan ko ng reason kung bakit mo gingawa sa akin ito...dahil hindi ko maisip na ganito ka talaga.

Dati kapag sinasabi mong babawi ka...tapos hindi matutuloy, tapos babawi ka na naman, pero hindi na naman matutuloy, kapag sasabihin mong babawi ka ulit...umaasa pa rin ako nun na tutuparin mo...hindi ko inaasahan sa ganitong paraan mo ako babawian.

You've once told me nung naghiwalay tayo, na dapat lang sarili mo ang uunahin mo...but the road of life should not be traveled that way, kaya nga may stoplight...you should know when to stop, to listen and to go, para walang aksidente. Life isn't always about your happiness alone, you need also to put consideration people along the way. Dahil kung masasaktan mo sila hindi ka naman magiging totoong masaya.

Share ko lang ito sa'yo:

There was once a scorpion and a frog who wants to cross a river. The scorpion said "Frog help me cross the river, please?" The frog said, "No, if I do that you will bite me." The scorpion replied "I will not, if i'll do that both of us will drown." So the frog helped the scorpion to cross the river. While on the center of the river the scorpion bit the frog. While the frog is dying, he looked at the scorpion and said "Scorpion, why did you bite me?" The scorpion answered, "it's my nature."

A close friend of mine who knew you once said...apart from all of these, there's still goodness inside you...un nga lang weakness mo ang babae. God has given us the power to make choices, to distiguish right from wrong. That's why we could always be like the scorpion or choose to be someone who makes the right choices. Sinabi mo dati, paano kung may emotions...God put our head on top of our heart so that our emotions won't rule over us.

Latest news...

Just found out that he is courting my bestfriend in the office...so what are you trying to prove? Kung di ka nahihiya sa akin mahiya ka sa kaibigan mo na ex nun.

Ayaw mo ng on the rebound at pahinga ka muna at kung kaibigan, kaibigan lang talaga?

Really, now!

I know better now...

A day after I made the presentation for him, I found out something really horrible about him. It is something that I wouldn't thought he would do. And what's really hurting me now, instead of putting things to rest between the two of us, I kept on finding things about him, things I wish I never knew. Everyday its as if a gruesome part of his personality unfold. And everyday my resentment for him grows. To the point that I don't wanna talk to him anymore and I don't wanna see him. Have I done something wrong to you? Did I not treat you good when we're still together? For you to repay me these things?

I didn't ask for anything from you but to respect me. During the relationship, even if I didn't feel you respected me as your girlfriend you should have at least respected me as a person. You don't have any right to treat me this way.

Right now I'm still angry...I never felt so betrayed in my life. Shame on me for trusting you so much that I was blinded from who you really are. Shame on me for giving you so much love even if you don't deserve it. I'm moving on, and I know I can get through this. I'll hold back my anger while I can, because I know I should respect you as my superior. And that's the only respect that you will be getting from me.

Who can relate to this...

"Love is like grass. If you fall on it, it may leave a stain and some temporary pain. But you’ll get over the pain, it will eventually stop hurting. Now maybe the stain ruined your favorite pair of jeans, or maybe it was nothing special that was ruined, but either way the stain remains there. And with time, it will begin to fade, but it will always be there, a permanent reminder that you, too, once fell.”

This is me...

I can't really say that I have move on, because I know he is still in my system. But I can say that I have accepted everything. As I mentioned on my SOLA (That was my first post on my blog), my parents taught me how to accept things that are out of my control. Things would be much easier if I just let it be. I know he did me wrong but I don't want to contemplate on things that will just give me bad memories of him. I can't help to ask myself where I went wrong...he told me that he is opening the door for me to find someone better...but he could have been better if he wanted to. Whatever reason he has, all I can see is that he doesn't want me anymore.

You didn't spare me from anguish; you just took away the hope that is within me, but don't worry, I'm picking up the pieces and I will glue them on my own.

He's gone...

We broke up yesterday... I'm sad, i'm hurting, i'm scared and emptiness is killing me. I have been always lucky with all the people coming in my life, but when it comes to relationship...it always fail. It is so haaaard to find someone whom you would really fall in love with. It took me several years to find this feeling, I fought really hard to make it work and i'm willing to fight harder but he gave up on me. No third party, feelings are still there...he just doesn't want me to be involve...but I am and I want to be involve. We've been together for seven months and the relationship was a rollercoaster ride. I went through a lot of adjustments as well as him, we went through a lot already, my problem, his problems, my happiness, his happiness, we endure those things together. And we tried to save the relationship even his responsibilities on his work and his problems are getting bigger. I can still stay, but we both know it was bound to end. My heart wanted to stay but it is best to let go. I'm proud of how we handled the situation maturely. We talk and we are still friends. I want to stay by his side even as a friend because all the things that we've been through can never be forgotten. Everyone can leave you but I will always be here. "Di ba nga, kahit ilang Tier 3 pa ang lumapit sa akin, di kita iiwan." Hehehe!

Why i'm Staying?

Its simple...i'm happy.

A lot of people may not understand why, but there are few who will. These are people whom for one point in there life experienced the same feeling. Its soooo hard to put it into words but i'm sure I still want to stay. As long as he wants me to.

I'm happy because...
...he gave me the chance to feel what its like to give more of myself without asking anything in return. All my life, I received so much love and care from people around me. And its just wonderful to give more and expect less.

...I learned more of myself than I learn about him. I'm surprise that I was able to do things I never thought I am capable of doing.

...he made me appreciate things more. I realized how blessed I am. I may not have everything in life but all the things and the people I have right now is enough to make me happy.

...being with him made me appreciate life more. Life is short, I must do things that would make me happy, give importance to all the people in my life and spend each day as if it is the last. I would never let a day pass by without letting these people know how much they mean to me.

...it amazes me how he made me feel the real meaning of contentment just by looking at him.

In my entire life I never took a risk...not until I met him.

Got to talk to him...b

Finally, I was able to talk to him....I can't really say the problem was solved or questions are answered...but I can't argue with him. The last thing he needs right now is a whining girlfriend. Its hard to understand the situation we're in right now, its even harder to understand someone who never explains. But I understand him, I care for him and I don't want to see him this way. He doesn't know that it hurts me to hear or see him give up. He wants to end his life and all that crap. He's being selfish....he doesn't know there are people who cares for him and will be miserable if he will be gone.

Keeping myself busy...

Just got home, spent the rest of the afternoon with my two girlfriends, Missy and Jhongke. We ate, talk, stroll, talk...and more talk...hehehe! I want to get home tired so as not to think of anything before going to bed. Still no word from him. Well, it piss me off because I do not know where and what is happening with him. I need to ask his friends...they know more...hmmmmp! When I say i'm damned worried about him, I mean it...I don't say things because I have to or it sounds good...i'm not putting up a show just to please him. Hayyyy...

Anyways, just bought six books for only Php120. Wow! That's from booksale. I'm almost done reading John Grisham's The Partner. Can't put it down. I think he is a great author. I really could not imagine what will happen to the main characters. So many surprises...I thought the male lead character was bad turned out that there are more villains in the story. Got to start my book journal....

By the way, I watched Cars last Monday. It was a nice film with moral lessons...Cried actually, when Lightning McQueen went back for that (sorry, forgot his name) old racer, when the victory is just an inch away. Proves that winning isn't everything. Quote from the movie "Its just an empty cup." There are a lot of things important than that, friendship, keeping your values intact and of course the relationship you have with people that are important to you.

Still, cannot sleep. I'm not yet tired.

Something to do...

I miss my Chumyness sooo much...we're supposed to meet last Sunday but he never came. Honestly, im not angry, infact i'm more worried..I know him as a person who never miss his commitments. Especially, he knows I will be waiting for him. Apart from that, I was also hurt by the fact that he never even tried to inform me why...well, I know he has his own reasons...that reason better be good...or else...wahahaha...just kidding. Well. just missing and worried about him.

Well, today. i'm kinda thinking of making a book journal...before I had a movie journal, but I watched so many movies a week so I stopped it...

Book journal must be great...well, got to start one. I'm currently reading John Grisham's The Partner and The Rainmaker. My friend promised to lend me The Firm book. I read his A Time to Kill book and it was great...cried reading that book. Not yet done with Robert Jordan's series though...it could wait. I miss reading my fave author's books, Sidney Sheldon.

I miss him sooo much...

Finally, Chumyness and I got the chance to go out...since I was hospitalize and he was out of town for awhile. I just miss him so much....ang saya. Kahit na nagtampo talaga ako sa kanya...sobra....pero ganun talaga...I see that he is making up for it What is important, we are still together....

I'm Still Holding On

Can't find the right words to let you know how I feel...
I'll hold on to us, no matter what....
I trust you more than I think I can...
Even if people around us is making me hard to do it, I know I trust you with all my heart...
Even if there are times that i'm hurting because I can't seem to put things the way it should be, I will still stay...
You are the half that makes me whole...
I don't care what others say...
I will still love you...Chumyness

For those who Cared

I underwent an operation yesterday (hindi naman major operation)...I want to thank all my friends who took the time out to help me and also for the financial assistance.

Grace,
You were there the entire operation, patiently waiting. Thank you sooo much. Not just for the time but also for lending me the money. I'm sooo happy that even if we don't see each other as often as we could, you were still there when I need you. Thank you talaga ng marami.

Amerone,
Thank you for helping me, kahit na hindi na tayo nag-uusap. Sooobrang thank you. Ang sarap ng feeling na mayrong handang tumulong sa'yo kahit na hindi kayo ganun kaclose. Thank you ng sobra-sobra.

Lala and Vianca,
We've been friends for six years now, and we've been through a lot. Siguro ito na ung pinakamalaking bagyo na dumaan sa isa sa ating tatlo. I'm so happy na kayo ang naging friends ko. Vianca, even if you were not there, I know that you are worried about me. Thank you for your prayers. Lala, thank you for the last minute help. I wish that I can also do the same when you asked for helped a few months ago. Pero wala rin talaga ako nun. Di ako makakalabas ng hospital kung hindi ka dumating. Sobrang thank you talaga.

Marianne,
You were there since day one. And I appreciate all the time na binibigay mo para samahan ako. Thank you for the support, lalo na nung bago ko pa lang nalaman. Thank you for keeping some information secret. Sobrang thank you.

TP friends,
I'm so glad that I have friends here that are ready to help. Kay Sird Eds, kernan, Mark, thank you for the financial assistance. For Queen, MJ, Kuya ray, Arlene and other Team Eclipse and Wave 29 members who knew about the operation, thank you for showing me that you care. Alam kong you prayed for me. Kay Vince and kay Sir Allan, thank you for the moral support. Sir Ralph, thank you po and sorry sa sched comp. Di na ako malilate pagbalik ko. Promise...

Chumyness,
I know that you're busy and I understand kung late ka na dumating. Mahalaga dumating ka. Thank you sa pag-aasikaso ng lahat. Thank you sa time. Thank you for staying kahit alam kong marami ka ng problema. Thank you for being my strength. You are the reason kung bakit masarap pa ring mabuhay. Thank you...I wouldn't have done it without you.

My family,
Thank you for understanding me....

God,
Thank you for guiding me. Thank you for all these people na pinadala mo to help me.

Need to be Strong

Invictus OUT of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance	5
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,	10
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:	15
I am the captain of my soul. I've been going through a lot these days, its as if I just want to close my eyes wish that when I open it, everything will be back to normal. I just want to stare at nothingness, talk less and cry more. But I know it won't change anything.... Apart from all the things that is happening in my life right now, I'm still glad to have my family, Marianne and Chumyness by my side.

State of My Life Address

Have you ever look back on what you went through? What you have achieved in your ___ years of existence here in this world?

Inspired by the SONA of our president…..

Here I present to you my SOLA, “State of my Life Address”

I’m Edabelle Besin Ragay, 21 years old. Ilang beses nang napalo ni Inay, ilang beses ng humalo ang luha ko sa aking uhog nung bata pa ako, gumulong-gulong dahil sa pagkalampa, imiyak, tumawa, lumuha at sumaya. Lahat ng ito, sa maniwala kayo o hindi ay naging malaking bahagi ng pagkatao ko.

ELEMENTARY

I’m just an ordinary girl, born here in Manila, went to Dumaguete and came back for good. Never akong nakatikim ng private school, hindi ko rin napagdaanan ang buhay nursery, prep o kinder man lang. Nagdarna na ako kaagad sa Grade 1, kahit di pa puwede six years old, hala sige, pinalusot na lang. (Wahaha, di nila napansin height ko!!!)

Apat na schools ang nironda ko nung elementary, nakapagsuot ng Girl Scout uniform, nakailang beses ring nakatanggap ng picture frames tuwing Christmas Party (may shampoo at toothpaste pa nga, eh!), nakailang tanggap rin ng medalya kahit papaano.

HIGHSCHOOL

Nung highschool, Miss Popularity ako. Kahit di na mag-aral papasa na sa dami ng extra curricular activities. But before the fame, of course I worked hard bago makuha yun. Dito ko nakilala ang D’FRAME-G, SR. JIMAD, CAMELVANT at RAP JAM. Ang bestfriend kong si Pas at tsaka ang mga best guy friends kong sina Jilbert at Emond. Sa pagtatapos ng pasukan, pasok pa rin sa banga ang lola nyo sa mga awards.

COLLEGE

PUP talaga ang first choice kong pasukan sa college at IE talaga ang gusto ko, yun nga lang medyo nalihis ng landas sa Accountancy. Sinasabi nila highschool life raw ang pinakamasaya, pero para sa akin, college. Here I met matured, open-minded and sincere people. Patatawanin ka pag malungkot ka, di ka iiwanan sa ere, praprangkahin ka pag sumosobra ka na. yung tipong walang plastikan. That’s what I’ve found from my two precious friends, Lala (ang Chickboy na Antukin, aka Lalaque) and Vianca (na pumayat na).

Syempre nandyan din naman sina Joseph aka GwapiToledo, “My Babzy,” Aljohn aka Alex Bandido, Merry as Sanggre, si Joyce na mahilig sa Chinovela (magpapalit na nga ‘ata ito ng nationality, eh!), si Joman “Ang Pastor ng Bayan,” si Jenilee na laging tagatawa, si Kristine, “The Crying-Laughing Girl” (na tatalo sa kasikatan ng My Sassy Girl), si Apple “Ang Institusyon,” si Julius na Mr. Diskarte, ang TM Girls, si Benedict na Pogeetah, si Nessang Juicylicious Nutricious, si Alvin na nag-over ‘d bakod na, si Fred ang “Mr. GMA” ng klase, sina Ria at Christian na “Ang tanong ng bayan, “Sila na ba?” at ang di matatawarang kasipagan ng grupong Leslie, Analyn, Kim, Jinky, Hilda at Roselyn.

Kanino ko ba kayang i-share ang mga jokes na “Are you declaring wire? O di kaya “Mag try-some kaya kayong tatlo?” eh, yung joke na dugtungan ng salita? Di ba sa kanila lang?

Oo, tsubrang hirap ng college, pero wala namang papantay sa saya. Kahit ‘di na ako popular sa buong school, mas masarap maging Boobita Rose, Artistahin o Boobzy ng klase. Ano naman ngayon kung di na ako nagpeperform sa lahat ng estudyante sa school namin? Mas masaya naman ang videokehan sa SM Centerpoint, at ang pagpeperform sa kantang Kiliti, di ba?!

Sa stage na ito naranasan kong pumasok ng walang tulog, ni lapat ng likod ko sa kama man lang, naranasan kong mag-OJT, matulog ng 5am sa kakachat at syempre ang mag-overnight sa bahay ng iba. Dito ko nalaman kung pano mangarap at makilala ng mas mabuti ang sarili ko. Dito ako naging tutor sa LNK at mas lalong naging malapit kay God at sa aking pamilya. Ditong stage na ito nalaman kong kahit papaano, nakakatouch ako ng buhay ng ibang tao. College life talaga ang the best!!!

I have received many awards, recognition and once in my life experienced fame, but apart from all of these I was not happy.

It’s because I know within me that in our lives these things don’t matter.

It doesn’t matter if I have medals and I’m popular, that doesn’t make me a greater person than those who doesn’t have.

Our family doesn’t have much but its okay, because it doesn’t make me a lesser person than those who have plenty.

I’m proud of how my parents had raised me. They have made me realized that there are much more important things than money, medals and popularity…and that is my family, my faith and doing good. Material things will fade but these things will remain forever in the hearts of the people whom you have touched their lives.

My family advised me to take care of my friends. Especially those kind of friendship that nurtures me and allows me to grow. And stay away to those who will do me no good.

My parents imparted so much values in me but the most important is having faith in God. I do belive that this helps me to be kinder to others, more appreciative of what I have and not to focus on what I can’t have. It made me accept things easily that are out of my control and gave me a sense of fulfillment in all the things I do. I feel contented and complete having God as the center of my life and from these stems my REAL HAPPINESS.

A writer named Bob Ong once said:

“Nalaman kong hindi pala exam na may passing rate ang buhay.

Hindi ito multiple choice, identification, true or false, enumeration,

o fill-in-the-blanks na sinasagutan, kundi essay na isinusulat araw-araw.

Huhusgahan ito hindi base sa kung tama o mali ang sagot, kundi base sa

kung may kabuluhan ang mga naisulat o wala. Allowed ang erasures.”