Working in Abu Dhabi has been challenging for me. For one, the working hours here is longer than that in the Philippines. Our timing is from 8am - 5pm Sundays to Wednesdays and 8am-2pm on Thursdays that leaves us with one full day off every Friday. It took me awhile to adapt to these changes, it was exasperating not to mention the line of business I am currently working in.
It was a challenge juggling work and mom duties especially when Kenzi started schooling. I find it hard to tutor her in the evening since we can start around 8pm to 9pm where the kid is already tired from the days learning and play. She goes to bed before 10pm and sometimes I have to stay up late preparing her homework or things to bring for tomorrow's class. Thinking how little time I spend with her makes me sad.
At first, I thought I was doing an okay job spending time with her. I make a point to bring her to malls or parks every other Thursday with just her, me and her Dad. After attending service every Friday morning, I make sure that she is always by my side. But a comment from her last night, made me think otherwise.
Before going to sleep I asked her if I am good to her. The kid thinks for awhile and sheepishly said "No." I asked her why and she said, "Sometimes you don't listen to me." I was astounded by her answer since I know her, she is the type of kid who doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings let alone her parents. I can see from the look on her face she was contemplating whether to tell me or not.
The realization hit me hard. I was trying so hard to be there physically when the Little Girl only needs my few minutes to listen to her. She doesn't complain about me being gone away most of the time, she doesn't complain when I can't always be there to give her a bath, cut her nails or sit by her side, she just wants me to actually "LISTEN".
I am disappointed and ashamed of myself but I'm glad she told me. I can never be a perfect mom but I can be better. If again the day comes that I feel too tired, too upset about something or too engrossed with my "me time" that I cannot spare her my attention i'll come back to that night and remind my self that it is you, Kenzi matters most to me.
