I hope this will be the last time that I will be writing about this relationship. A day after I made the presentation for you I found out something horrible about you...a lot of things actually. A day after I made the presentation for myself I found another thing about you. You are courting my bestfriend. A lot of emotions are within me now; that sometimes I do not know the reason why I am feeling it.
First of all, I am angry. Angry to the point that I look at you with so much disdain. To the point that I want to forget that once in my life I thought there was an "us." I'm angry because I felt I was betrayed. I trusted you so much that I believed everything you said. I don't see you as a perfect person because there's no such, but I see you as a person who would really think a million times before you act. I see you someone with wisdom and integrity.
During the relationship, I already saw the signs that it was faltering. It was not that I was blind, I saw it coming but then again I believed you when you told me that you'll tell me if you don't want this anymore. I understand you when you told me that you're just having problems with your family and work and I tried to be the person that you can rely on.
I am angry because I somehow expected you to respect me as a person. I am angry because you should have ended the relationship when you didn't want it. It would have been easier.
Ginamit mo lang ako at masakit nun nagpagamit rin ako. Remember this words?
"Magconcentrate muna ako sa work and problems ko. Maghiwalay muna tayo."
And after a week, found you courting someone, worse, kaibigan ko pa. Sa totoo lang pinagmukha mo akong tanga. Kaya ba, lumalapit ka na lang kapag kailangan, you don't talk to me anymore and worse nakipagflirt ka pa sa isa pang malapit sa akin. Is it planned? I would have understand kung sinabi mo na lang na nawala na ung feelings. It would have been better and easier. Kasi naniwala pa ako na there was something to hold on.
I won't hinder you if you'll court someone now, I won't even care if you'll get married. Pero huwag mo naman kaming patusin. Huwag kaibigan ko. She has been there since day one. Takbuhan ko siya kapag may problema ako sayo, kaibigan mo ex nya at alam nya lahat ng nangyari sa atin.Hindi kami gamit na palitan lang. And would you really think she would sacrifice our friendship to be with you? I know she's close to you but don't assume things.
Still remember this?
"Kung meron man, kung meron man, ha?! Ayoko ng on the rebound at tsaka kung kaibigan, kaibigan lang talaga."
"Dapat nung training bay pa, kaso on the rebound ka."
So ano pala ako? Pampalipas oras?! Panakip butas?!
Do you still remember what you did to my other friend nung tayo pa? I really do think you owe her an apology. I want to quote this:
"Kaya nga may word na banter, eh."
"Kung tinotoo nya, eh di sasabihin ko na joke lang."
"Minsan nga lang magpakasaya, ganito pa."
Naririnig mo bang sinasabi mo? Anong tingin mo sa aming mga babae?! Laruan?! She is my friend, not just a friend but a very, very close friend. Anong tingin mo sa mga kaibigan ko tanga-tanga?
I never asked for anything, at alam mo yan, sana napagbigyan mo man lang ako ng kahit kaunting respeto, sama mo na mga friends ko. Kaso kahit respeto para sa bakla hindi mo ako binigyan...waaaaaaaaaaaa!
The choice you make, makes you the person you are...and its really a disappointment that you chose to be a self-centered beast. Sayang...you're not half the man I thought you were.
As to the other things I know, hindi ko na sasabihin. Kahit sa iba hindi ko na rin sinabi yun. Dahil bibigyan pa rin kita ng kaunting respeto. At alam kong wala ng reason para malaman mo pa, alam mo na kung anong dapat kong malaman.
I am hurting...hurting because you never liked me. I can never be angry because of this because I know it is beyond your control. Hurting ako dahil sa mga nalalaman ko...naiisip ko lang noon na magkasama tayong tatlo, hindi ko alam may ganyan ka na pala. And masakit isipin na you like someone else tapos tayo...tapos nakakasama pa nating dalawa. Hindi ko alam may plano ka na pala nyan. Hurting to know that your doing things you used to do for me. And worse mas higit pa. You know I was hurt badly when we broke up...kulang pa ba un? Kaya hindi ko talaga inaasahan ito. It was hard to keep up nung wala ka na, mas nahirapan ako nung ginawa mo un sa close friend ko nung tayo pa, mahirap din nung nalaman ko ung tungkol sayo, pero ito na yata ang pinakamahirap, ang ligawan mo bestfriend ko. Ayaw mo na ba akong ipagmove on talaga?! Gusto mo ba lahat ng kaibigan na soooobrang malapit sa akin mawala sa akin? Have I done something wrong to you? For you to repay me with this?!
Someone told me that at least you were man enough to end the relationship. Pero sa totoo lang hindi naman...pinaramdam mo lang sa akin na wala na, na mas masakit kaysa sabihin sa akin. You just gave me signs but too coward to tell me the truth. Pinaramdam mo sa akin ng paunti-unti...You said you wish we would be in good terms? Sana naisip mo yan bago mo ginawa ito.
- Remeber the time na niyaya kita samahan ako manood? Marami kang reasons to the point na kahit ano na lang sinabi mo. Too scared to hurt me? Or just too scared na bad memories ang maiwan mo sa akin? Well look at it now? Bigger damaged? Right?
- Remember nung time na nakaleave ako but I went here to give you something? We we're talking then, tapos pagdating niya iniwan mo ako and pumunta ka sa bay nya. All the time, kaya pala dikit ka ng dikit sa kanya...pinagmukha mo akong tanga.
- Remember na walang oras na lumapit ako sa iyo na hindi ka nakasimangot. Na para bang pinaparamdam mo sa akin na nakakaistorbo ako sayo.
- Kinausap kita kung gusto mong malaman kung sino si Stop...naalala mo sinagot mo sa akin ng pasigaw? "Huwag kang magulo, naglalaro ako."
- Alalahanin mo lahat ng mga oras na nagpaalam ako sayo ng matino, sinagot mo ako ng wala akong pakialam...masakit nun may ibang mga tao dun.
- Alalahanin mo lahat ng oras na sinigawan mo ako. Na parang lahat ng galit sa akin mo gustong ibuhos.
- Naaalala mo pa na ayaw mo ng trinatraydor ka? I tried sooooo hard to keep our relationship a secret from my new friends. Hindi ako masyadong naglalapit sayo dahil sabi mo ayaw mo ng issues and may gusto kang marating sa career mo, Ginawa ko un lahat kahit mahirap, pero bakit mo ako trinaydor ngayon? Kamag-anak mo ba si Hudas? Nyork!
Inintindi kita nun dahil iniisip ko ayokong dumagdag sa mga problema mo. And between the two of us ako ang dapat umintindi dahil ako lagi ang may oras. Yun ang lagi mong pinaparamdam. Lahat ng mga nangyari na yan, yan lahat ang diko makakalimutan. I can forgive but I know it will be hard to forget, dahil tumatak lahat nyan sa akin, hindi lang ung pangyayari lalo na ung pakiramdam.
Sinabi mo, ayaw mo akong madamay sa mga problema mo ngayon...kaya ba kaibigan ko na lang idadamay mo? You want me to feel that you're doing a noble act by letting me go. Iba naman pain ung binigay mo. Mahirap ba sayong sabihin ang totoo? Kung sinabi mo nun na hindi ka na masaya, aalis naman ako kaagad. Kaso lagi mong reason, ayaw mo akong madamay sa problema mo na kesyo unfair...you know very well na lalong hindi ako aalis nun.
Nahuhurt ako dahil ganun pala ako kawalang kwenta sayo. Dahil kung meron man, maiisip mo kung anong mararamdaman ko kung ginawa mo ito. Iniexpect mo ba na iintindihin kita? Hinahanapan ko ng reason kung bakit mo gingawa sa akin ito...dahil hindi ko maisip na ganito ka talaga.
Dati kapag sinasabi mong babawi ka...tapos hindi matutuloy, tapos babawi ka na naman, pero hindi na naman matutuloy, kapag sasabihin mong babawi ka ulit...umaasa pa rin ako nun na tutuparin mo...hindi ko inaasahan sa ganitong paraan mo ako babawian.
You've once told me nung naghiwalay tayo, na dapat lang sarili mo ang uunahin mo...but the road of life should not be traveled that way, kaya nga may stoplight...you should know when to stop, to listen and to go, para walang aksidente. Life isn't always about your happiness alone, you need also to put consideration people along the way. Dahil kung masasaktan mo sila hindi ka naman magiging totoong masaya.
Share ko lang ito sa'yo:
There was once a scorpion and a frog who wants to cross a river. The scorpion said "Frog help me cross the river, please?" The frog said, "No, if I do that you will bite me." The scorpion replied "I will not, if i'll do that both of us will drown." So the frog helped the scorpion to cross the river. While on the center of the river the scorpion bit the frog. While the frog is dying, he looked at the scorpion and said "Scorpion, why did you bite me?" The scorpion answered, "it's my nature."
A close friend of mine who knew you once said...apart from all of these, there's still goodness inside you...un nga lang weakness mo ang babae. God has given us the power to make choices, to distiguish right from wrong. That's why we could always be like the scorpion or choose to be someone who makes the right choices. Sinabi mo dati, paano kung may emotions...God put our head on top of our heart so that our emotions won't rule over us.
