My Gratitude List (25/12/2015)

It's Christmas day!!!

Aside from celebrating the birth of our savior, this day is also a celebration of togetherness with our loved ones.  It is the best day to spend time with them and show them that they are remembered this season of gift giving.

I am thankful for the chance to spend quality time with my family.  Chris has been planning of taking Kenzi and me to a movie date.  This made me excited all week.  We went out to watch Star Wars.  The kid was not excited to watch the movie but she got hype on the idea of going to the cinema and eat her fave nachos (on her own words, "the chips I dip in cheese").

I can't help to watch in awe these two people sitting beside me.  The kid giggling, chanting "Go Chewie! Go Chewie! (that's Chewbacca) and the Dad who's overjoyed by how the kid is enjoying it.  At that moment I knew, I got the best Christmas gift anyone can get.

My Gratitude List (22/12/2015)

I had so many things to be thankful for and I have been planning to write about it promptly but you know how life goes...so here it is.

I am thankful for the time when Kenzi asked me for AED10.  It was early morning then, we were preparing to go to work and the kids to school.  She suddenly remembered that someone went to their school and offered them a "magic book."  She said she wanted to have one.  I saw how amazed she was by that thing, so I gave her the money.  The kid said, "thank you Mommy, for the ten dirhams."  The facial expression and the way she said it melted my heart.  AED10 was nothing my child, to the amount of happiness you made me feel that day.

One night when Chris and I was going home and we were in the cab, I asked him what Christmas gift he wants.  He said he cannot think of anything.  I told him, he has everything that's why he cannot think of anything to ask.  Then he said, "Yes, I got you and Kenzi."  You gave me the butterflies there and a little laugh, coz I was really pertaining to material stuff when I said that.  Nevertheless, it was the best way to end the night.

This happened a year ago but it is one of my happy memories and I really want to remember and share it.  We were all cramped in the car from having dinner in the park.  I came there straight from work, so I was really tired.  I leaned my head on the back of the front seat and Kenzi upon seeing me put pillows on my back and said I can lean on it because she knows I am really tired.  You're such a small kid and yet you have a big heart to care and think of others.  I am so proud of you.

On December 17, 2015, Chris and I had the chance to go out alone because the Little Girl has party to go to...in a hotel...and to a party which she invited herself.  Hahaha!  So, the Daddy went with me in the bookstore I found in Hamdan where they are selling used books.  My good buys are below:

I know the books made me sooooo excited and happy but it is not the reason why I am writing it on this list.  It was the contentment of walking side by side with Chris in Hamdan.  The feel of the cold breeze of December night combined with the warmth of his hands into mine.  It was the best feeling in the world and this is one of those days that I'll come back to whenever I am down and sad.

The Story of our Little Joey

October 08, 2015...we were overwhelmed with so much joy when we found out that I am pregnant with our third child.

November 04, 2015...in the afternoon I had spotting.  We then rushed to the hospital to have my condition checked.  The ultrasound confirmed that the Baby doesn't have heartbeat and is smaller for the Baby's age.  The doctor said that I am experiencing threatened abortion.  We were given an option to either wait for the Baby to come out naturally or choose for D and C operation.

As I was laying down there, in the doctor's room and her explaining the unhealthy pregnancy and tears streaming down my face, all I could think of was "Dear God, not again please."  And for someone who had been there, I kept my hopes high.  I searched the Internet and found out that sometimes these findings can be mistaken due to miscalculation of conception date.  I can opt to wait for another week and ask for a second opinion.

Apparently, the next day the bleeding worsen and it was accompanied by pain.  I then went again to the hospital and had a second ultrasound.  The doctor said the bleeding and pain will get worse and there's really nothing we can do.

At 8 weeks and 6 days, we lost our third child.

It hurts as much as the first but it is what it is. Life goes on and trust God's plans. No questions asked, no finding reasons it is just how it's suppose to be.

In this entire ordeal, it just amazes me how God weaves his plans for us. Even in this trying times I know that He will get me through it.  First off, God secured us financially. My insurance was without maternity for the longest time. I was able to complete the documents to update it two days before the unfortunate event happened.  It could have happened earlier than that but it did not.  God put wonderful people in my life to support and encourage me. Family and friends who never fail to let me know that they're there to support and pray for me. A strong husband who I can lean on and took charge of everything while I am feeling down myself. A bubbly daughter who cheers me up everyday. Most especially God's promise that his unfailing love never forgets.

Your story, our little Joey may have ended too soon but the memories will always remain. I'll never forget how you put that big smile on your Dad's face. I'll remember how you got me excited to be pregnant again, just like it's the first time. I'll remember how your big sister really got hyped of finally having a Baby sister/brother.  I'll remember...always and forever!

My Gratitude List (17/11/2015)

I'm a little bit down when I arrived to work this morning but a colleague of mine surprised me with this book.  Never expected but really lifted my spirits up.  Thanks Ms. Thet!

Trust a book to bring sunshine on my rainy days.

My Gratitude List (09/11/2015)

I'm thankful for a chance to be home when Kenzi arrived from school. It was my first yesterday. She was soooo hyper. She did not realize I was home and when I called her, she and Valene came running to me and screaming my name. It was a joy to experience.  She immediately told me what she learned in school.

So, this is what I have been missing because I am a working mom.  Still grateful for the experience.

It's Good to be Tested

What if the foundation of marriage you have been fighting and caring for is being tested? Will you crumble and fall? Or continue to fight?

It has been a challenging few weeks for me.  My marriage was tested in a way I have never imagined it would be.  Someone came.

I told my husband about it.  I told him someone said he likes my smile.  Someone is calling just to say good morning but I refused to fall.  My husband understands.  He never questioned, he never doubted and most of all he never acted jealous and overprotective.  He knows he can trust me to handle it.

In those few days of indecisiveness, he did not know I struggled.  I struggled to say no maybe because when things get as mundane as it can get, it is easy to find excitement in someone else.  When you question your husband why he doesn't hold hands with you anymore, I guess it was easy to find it with someone who's willing to give the time of their day to call and see you.  When your husband never said your beautiful, your kind and that he appreciates you, I guess it's easy to fall for someone who does.  I forgot how it feels to be special, but then again, these things can never be the reason to hurt the man you love for the rest of your life.

What made me said no?

It's the thought of growing old with my husband....the thought that we will retire in a small house, with our hair all white, our skin all wrinkled and our thoughts muddled by age but we're still together.  We're still holding hands and pestering each other because I love him.  For me it was not a choice I have to make, it was destined to happen.

There is good in what happened because it rekindled feelings, emotions that has always been there and never should have been forgotten.

When I look at him, I say:

He is the man who wakes up with me in the middle of the night just to hold my hand because I want to cry for our lost child.

He is the man who hide weakness when I feel so weak battling our struggles in life.

He is the man who goes with me in the loo in the middle of the night because I am too damn scared to be alone.

He is the man who listens.

The man who brushes tears from my face every time I am fed up.

He is the man who wrestles life to keep the family together and happier.

He is the man who eats half of my food because I don't want to get fat.

He is the man who took upon himself to be the official photographer when I am out with my friends.

He is the man who makes me laugh and understands my craziness.

He is THE man.

I have never been so sure in my life that you are my soulmate...the hand that perfectly fits mine...the missing piece of the puzzle.  I'll just have to always remember that...

YOU ARE MY MAN.

My Gratitude List (21/08/2015)

Waking up beside my two most important people in the world and realizing how lucky I am to have them in my life.

They are all I've got and I'll do everything I can to keep the family stronger and together.

Not any thorns and most definitely not any pretty face can ruin what we have right now.

My Gratitude List (15/08/2015)

I am thankful for the cup noodles and bread my husband prepared for me before going to work.

My Gratitude List (13/08/2015)

I am thankful for alone time with Chris. We went out to try a new resto, a newly opened Asian Inasal in Hamdan which was recommended by Elizabeth.  The place was ok and the food was great especially the inasal and spaghetti.  The best time of the day is the bus ride going to Carrefour.  We normally do this back in the Philippines. Traveling from QC to Laguna.  I'm a little bit nostalgic at that.

I am thankful for our Little Girl's funny moments. Chris said the kid told him that when she grow up, she will drive her Daddy and me. I'll sit in the front and Daddy will sit at the back together with Lolo Fanny and Wowa. Now, this made me happy because I thought for the first time she finally choses me over her Daddy. But then she explained that she wants her Daddy to be comfortable so she wants him in the back. This made me laugh so hard. Some things never change.

I am thankful for this loofa being available in Carrefour.

I have been looking for this for over a month now. This is definitely the highlight of our grocery shopping. I quickly took a bath when I arrived home.

Thankful for "love love time" with Chris and Kenzi. It's our new term for just being silly together and giving lots of kisses and hugs.

Random Thoughts

Ever had that moment with your other half where you just spontaneously laugh at about anything?

Every small talk, make face or even a snide remark will make the two of you burst into laughter?!

And then while on the bus to work, the memory makes you laugh and it is freaking insane!!!

And even if you are having a shitty day in the office you would steal a few minutes to come back to that moment to make you feel better?!

I did....I still do...and I'd like to have more of those.

A Day in the Life of a Working Mom

Working in Abu Dhabi has been challenging for me.  For one, the working hours here is longer than that in the Philippines.  Our timing is from 8am - 5pm Sundays to Wednesdays and 8am-2pm on Thursdays that leaves us with one full day off every Friday.  It took me awhile to adapt to these changes, it was exasperating not to mention the line of business I am currently working in.

It was a challenge juggling work and mom duties especially when Kenzi started schooling.  I find it hard to tutor her in the evening since we can start around 8pm to 9pm where the kid is already tired from the days learning and play.  She goes to bed before 10pm and sometimes I have to stay up late preparing her homework or things to bring for tomorrow's class.  Thinking how little time I spend with her makes me sad.

At first, I thought I was doing an okay job spending time with her.  I make a point to bring her to malls or parks every other Thursday with just her, me and her Dad.  After attending service every Friday morning, I make sure that she is always by my side.  But a comment from her last night, made me think otherwise.

Before going to sleep I asked her if I am good to her.  The kid thinks for awhile and sheepishly said "No."  I asked her why and she said, "Sometimes you don't listen to me." I was astounded by her answer since I know her, she is the type of kid who doesn't want to  hurt anyone's feelings let alone her parents.  I can see from the look on her face she was contemplating whether to tell me or not.

The realization hit me hard.  I was trying so hard to be there physically when the Little Girl only needs my few minutes to listen to her.  She doesn't complain about me being gone away most of the time, she doesn't complain when I can't always be there to give her a bath, cut her nails or sit by her side, she just wants me to actually "LISTEN".

I am disappointed and ashamed of myself but I'm glad she told me.  I can never be a perfect mom but I can be better.  If again the day comes that I feel too tired, too upset about something or too engrossed with my "me time" that I cannot spare her my attention i'll come back to that night and remind my self that it is you, Kenzi matters most to me.

Unusual Grape

Nikki said I should blog about this unusual pumpkin like grape we saw earlier.

It made me laugh, not the unusual grape but her idea of me blogging this. 😉. Who am I to deprive her of that. So here it is...my entry for "The Unusual Grape."

I teased her that I'll blog all the weird things I have seen and it is more likely she will find her pic on it. 😛

It's Father's Day

It's Father's Day, 21/06/2015. We got you new Vans shoes but the kid really wants to buy you a new laptop. That made you smile. Afternoon, Nikki wants us to watch Jurassic World and I was so tired I don't want to go. For the first time, I saw you sad, maybe because it's the first time I'm not going with you or maybe because it's Father's Day. Whatever the reason, I felt the sadness but I'm glad I went with you, because I saw your smile looking at our kid while she sat beside you in the movie house. Eventhough the movie sucks because I was thinking the entire time how the female lead actress keeps on running with high heels, I am still glad I went because I saw your happiness that finally our Little Girl is your new movie buddy. I would not exchange that for anything else.