It's Good to be Tested

What if the foundation of marriage you have been fighting and caring for is being tested? Will you crumble and fall? Or continue to fight?

It has been a challenging few weeks for me.  My marriage was tested in a way I have never imagined it would be.  Someone came.

I told my husband about it.  I told him someone said he likes my smile.  Someone is calling just to say good morning but I refused to fall.  My husband understands.  He never questioned, he never doubted and most of all he never acted jealous and overprotective.  He knows he can trust me to handle it.

In those few days of indecisiveness, he did not know I struggled.  I struggled to say no maybe because when things get as mundane as it can get, it is easy to find excitement in someone else.  When you question your husband why he doesn't hold hands with you anymore, I guess it was easy to find it with someone who's willing to give the time of their day to call and see you.  When your husband never said your beautiful, your kind and that he appreciates you, I guess it's easy to fall for someone who does.  I forgot how it feels to be special, but then again, these things can never be the reason to hurt the man you love for the rest of your life.

What made me said no?

It's the thought of growing old with my husband....the thought that we will retire in a small house, with our hair all white, our skin all wrinkled and our thoughts muddled by age but we're still together.  We're still holding hands and pestering each other because I love him.  For me it was not a choice I have to make, it was destined to happen.

There is good in what happened because it rekindled feelings, emotions that has always been there and never should have been forgotten.

When I look at him, I say:

He is the man who wakes up with me in the middle of the night just to hold my hand because I want to cry for our lost child.

He is the man who hide weakness when I feel so weak battling our struggles in life.

He is the man who goes with me in the loo in the middle of the night because I am too damn scared to be alone.

He is the man who listens.

The man who brushes tears from my face every time I am fed up.

He is the man who wrestles life to keep the family together and happier.

He is the man who eats half of my food because I don't want to get fat.

He is the man who took upon himself to be the official photographer when I am out with my friends.

He is the man who makes me laugh and understands my craziness.

He is THE man.

I have never been so sure in my life that you are my soulmate...the hand that perfectly fits mine...the missing piece of the puzzle.  I'll just have to always remember that...

YOU ARE MY MAN.